14th Week (Part 2): Home Alone

Wednesday night, my mom told me a long list of household chores must-do before they leave. I kept tabs, slept, and by dusk I helped them to bring their luggage to the van.

As they left, I opened immediately Tracy (since I missed her so much) but before doing anything, as a responsible son, I did the household chores of the morning. After taking my bath with the bathroom door open (I felt slutty by that time) I continued my business with Tracy. I cooked skinless longganisa for lunch.

By afternoon, why I was doing my routinized check, I noticed ants on our stove outside (where I cook my dishes). I panicked at first, grabbed a wet rag, and wiped the stove. I spayed everything outside with our insect killer, I never knew what caused the chaos but then, I realized that I was checking it every hour half-hour minute. After a hundred checks and realizing that our stove doesn't have ants anymore, I was relieved.

By Friday I noticed that Robi (my black puppy) wouldn't wat his meal while Mikee  (my brown puppy) and Crystal (our Labrador) ate theirs hungrily. I was worried about Robi at that time and he was as thin as Robi [Domingo] by then. After I watered the plants I checked Robi again just to find out he hasn't ate even a nibble.

The day went as it should normally be (there were no more ants!). Nighttime came and it's time to feed the dogs once again. Robi didn't touch his previous food and it was thoroughly infested by ants. I cleaned his place first before giving them dog food. Mikee's serving vanished into thin air and so is Crystal's. I tried feeding Robi using my hands (I wish I could do that to Robi D!) but to no avail. He still wouldn't eat. So I just petted him and went to my dinner.

After my dinner when it just hit me to watch Gokusen 3 online so I watched the whole of it, from 11PM to 10AM (since I did my morning chores from 6AM-8AM). My eyes were very tired so I slept for a bit. I woke up by 1PM after receiving an SMS. So from there I ate my breakfast/lunch/afternoon snack. Except for that and Robi still not eating, everything's normal.

By Saturday my mom told me via SMS that they will go home by evening. I was about to say good-bye to my remaining hours of freedom when my mom told me again that they will go to Dingalan, Aurora to go to the beaches and hit back to NE to rest until Sunday. Yatta!

Everything was normal except that it was the spatula this time that was infested by ants (solved) and Robi's problem (unsolved). I slept early that day due to lack of sleep.

By Sunday, I woke up by 9 when my mom told me they will arrive by 10. So before everything else I cooked rice and corned beef. Just exactly after I'm done, they arrived home and they ate lunch as I finished the rest of the morning chores. Sadly Robi still won't eat. My mom was actually surprised upon learning that I was watering the plants even though she did not told me so.

I learned some important lessons while I was home alone. First, it's hard to live alone. It's not because there's no one to help me bur because having no one to talk to made me crazy. Second, household chores were harder that I imagined them. So I really understood why my mom's always annoyed. I will not resolve to carpentry, though. Last, be prepared for anything. After a few encounter with those ants, I realized that when faced with those problems I should not immediately call my mom because (1) she might be busy or not around, and (2) I can easily solve it on my own: I just have to think.

There was this "joke" that my mom told me. On their way to NE, my cousin (from previous entry) told my grandmother that he will first eat the dishes served by the mistress so in case it was poisoned, she will be saved. My uncle's (from previous entry) wife added that by chance, they will all be poisoned and killed. My mom apparently told them that it will not happen since the heir was left alone at home (she's actually referring to me). Actually I wasn't really the successor but let me explain why they said so.

My grandfather has 4 children with my grandmother: 3 girls (my mom is second) followed by my uncle. My older aunt has 5 children: 2 girls (one's older than me: she's the eldest of the grandchildren) followed by my cousin, another girl, and the adorable Prince: the youngest. My mom, as you know, has 3 children with I as the eldest. My younger aunt has 2 children has two children both younger than Prince. My uncle is not (yet) gifted with any. The old tradition dictates that the eldest son will be the successor. In that case that's my uncle. However another tradition follows that if the named successor has no male child then the new heir will be the eldest grandson which happened to be me (the tradition's sexist and I'm somehow off with that). Of course I really don't believe that set of traditions because it's old for the new age. Besides, what matters is what my parents will give me. 8P

End of "joke".

PS:
(1) What I want is someone who loves me and who I will love back. Lately I have dreams about my crush and I are a couple. I never dreamed about that with my previous crushes before. And my crush does not even know me and if it's not the case, it'll be very unlikely for us to be a couple according to my "research".
(2) My puppy, Robi, just died this afternoon. I was so sad that my mom said I was maarte.

2nd Week: I Tried My Best, But...

1. I can't hold on to what I feel. It's somehow a good thing that Regina told me about my personality results, that I am "intelligent, but you let your heart rule [over] your head". I've been stinking in that department all this time. I confessed my feelings to someone last weekend and, I tell you, it was the most horrible confession that I had for this last 3 year. But we do talk now as we do before, as if nothing had happened, which is good. Unlike before... :(

2. My exams haven't reached 80%. The good thing is that I passed, but it's still not good enough. Hindi pwede and 'pwede na'. It's my fault that I'm not really that serious in reviewing my notes before.

3. I really can't understand Korean lessons anymore. I said to myself before that I will master Hangugeo (Korean Language) during Christmas break. But I got sick during that long period. And now, I even have shorter time to do so. To add things up: I failed my first oral quiz. Our teacher keeps dictating in Hangugeo and I really can't understand even a little. :'(

Take Time to Read: I FEEL HUMAN

I watched Heroes Season 2 as to make sure I haven't missed a single detail. Season 3 is fast approaching.

Wonder why Angela Petrelli stole socks last Season 1? Wonder why Claire Bennet can't get over her emotional angst last Season 2? It goes around on one theme: feeling human.

No, it's not that I have a superpower myself. As human beings, we are meant to feel as we are to be: joy, acceptance, recognition, triumph; depression, rejection, persecution, defeat.

I know you know that I am having emotional problems right now. And I thought all of this time that I can cope up by either enduring the pain that I feel or by ignoring the same feeling. I realized: both of them were wrong. But the question now is: How can I feel human?

Why does enduring pain doesn't make me feel human? I think it is because hiding something and posing a happy face makes me "normal" [note that I made pain endurance and pretentious feelings synonymous]. It makes me blend in the background: vanish to be specific. But you know what will happen to the pressure cooker when it stays in the heat for long, right? Yes, the useful mechanism will blow up. Same to me.

Why does ignoring my problems doesn't make me feel human? Now, the reason is that I am avoiding what I am to face. We know problems are given to be solved, not to be escaped. I must learn to analyze and find a solution: yet, I only stop at the analysis step. I think it is inhuman to just neglect these problems.

Now, I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to feel human. I know of a couple of things, but I am afraid it will cost me very much.

You knew I lost a lot of friends so my emotional dependence has reached its maximum. Yet again, I realized this is the first step to feel human: HAVE FRIENDS YOU CAN TRUST, HAVE FRIENDS THAT YOU WON'T BETRAY AND THAT WON'T BETRAY YOU, HAVE FRIENDS THAT UNDERSTANDS YOU THE MOST AND WON'T BACKSTAB YOU. You know what? I found a few of them. To be specific, I have 2 friends that matches the criteria. And I am happy with that.

Yes, I do start to feel human but beyond that first step: I don't know what to do. I want you to help me, build a journey with me that I can't forget. I haven't made Elementary and High School memories [except for the Press Conference]. And now, before I graduate this College, I want you to let me know how to feel human. Because I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of thinking and imagining: it just drives me crazy.

And another thing: like I mentioned earlier, I keep on losing friends. You know, you may give me an advise that I have to be real in order to gain friends. The problem is: I AM BEING REAL, I AM BEING ME, yet they want to avoid me like I have a Shanti Virus or some sort.

So I want you to give me an advise on how should I perform better. I don't want to be a leech that sucks on a nearest outlet. I want to be contained yet I want to get free. I know you don't get what I say but if you do start a journey with me, I think you would know me better. Give me good advises, perhaps?

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Thank you for your time. Pardon the grammar.