It's Christmas time again. I forgot if I wrote something for Christmas from the previous years. Anyway, and by the way, I will write Limits by Christmas break. I promise that.
Now onto the list.
Be forewarned: the gifts I am mentioning are just plain baffled wishes and you may not grant them. They should be taken seriously, though.
12. A day alone with Rondo
~ Yes, call that a date. Maybe you were already sick of my mentioning to Rondo on almost every other blog entry of mine. Forgive me on that. I imagine him and I on a beach. We were sitting beside each other on the sand. Our hand holding each other and I lean to his shoulders. Yuck. Cheezy. If he knows that he is Rondo, he can despise me for as long as he likes. I don't care. I just wanted to express what I feel here on my own little private space.
11. A day alone with Ursula
~ New character alert! Ursula is a classmate of mine. Well, I know her for a long time, but it's just now that I have a liking on her. I guess my dormant male side that has hibernated for so long has finally awakened again. I think she and Rondo are friends. So I'm really torn. You see, recently, when I sit beside her, I get that tingling feeling. And yes, I wanted to have a dinner with her, on a high-end restaurant on top of a building by evening.
10. More perseverance
~ I'm trying to minimize my procrastination period. Like today, I should be reviewing, but what are the odds that I'll stop by this computer? LOL! Seriously, this is self-explanatory.
9. Lasting friendships
~ I'm on the verge of losing three "friends" of mine. I really have a tendency to have this "emotional dependence". I wanted attention. I am selfish, I know that. I would like to say sorry to the three of them (although I said that already to the 2, I wold like to say it again). The thing that I hate on making friends online is that I take things VERY seriously. Just connect between the dots.
8. One-way trip to Boracay
~ With lots of money, of course. But I think not bringing money will be good as well. I wanted to devoid myself of... things I wanted me to be devoid of. I wanted to be alone. I just wanted to watch the beach from sunrise to the next sunrise, thinking about EVERYTHING that's happening to me. I wanted to think more of the present rather that the future.
7. Appreciation
~ This one is tough. I wanted to be contented on what I have, but I still can't. For instance, I wanted more friends so that I won't feel neglected. Get me?
6. More stuff to get me busy
~ Comes with number 9. You know how I badly want to talk to people. It just hurts when I think they don't even know me or care for me. I wanted to be busy so that I won't look for my friends and "depend" on them again. So far so good?
5. More patience
~ I wanted to teach. But I always nag at my siblings. Well, I don't nag when I teach other people. And, oh, I need to be good at explaining! Yeah, and patience and perseverance (in conjunction with number 10) so that I can write more stories.
4. Honest people
~ Or maybe, the ability to read thoughts and feelings. I want to know who of all the people who know me like me (my personality to be specific). I can't deter if some people really want to get to know me better or if they just befriended me so that they can have LOTS of friends. I hate this feeling. I guess people would just talk to me not because they wanted to talk to me, but just for me t shut up.
3. Good grades
~ You know already what my goal is before I graduate. I have a lot to show, especially to Janus. I don't know why but when I get rough, I get competitive. And besides, I wanted that for impressions. I'm a very bad guy, I'm sorry. I just wanted your attention.
2. Robi tied in red and black ribbons
~ In his HS uniform and no undergarments. Forgive me. That's my ultimate fantasy so far. I know this one is very impossible to grant. But if I have dreamt of this, that may be enough.
1. To graduate in UP with flying colors.
~ It depends on what color[s]. But what I mean is, I hope that I can graduate and have a job that I wanted. Then I'll take a master's and doctoral degree.
==
As a replacement for Daniel Jupiter: "Epsiode" 5. LOL! Episode, men, not Epsiode!
Showing posts with label wishlist. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wishlist. Show all posts
Friday, December 12, 2008
Monday, September 8, 2008
These Are My Lessons Of The Century
*pardon the grammar*
I hate this feeling; this feeling of loneliness, emptiness, guilt. It's always the fact that when I go to school, I hide my face under the mask of happiness since I am really crying. Emotional, eh?
First thing: I learned not to make lots of friends. I think a few will do. But do you know why, in the first place, I'd like to make new friends?
It's because I'm socially deprived. My youth days had been surrounded by the four walls of our house, trying to learn academics. I never went out and play with my neighbors. I only play with my cousins in our backyard. It feels like I'm locked up inside, helpless. Still, I was attending school but I wasn't given a chance to interact with my classmates.
I grew up like that for 12 years [from Nursery until I graduated in High School]. I never knew sports. I barely knew social life. I don't even know Counter Strike and Ragnarok back then. And I hated those times. They were calling me nerd and geek like forever. I just can't stand it. I'm unsocial [not antisocial: it's a different thing], I know it. But that fact doesn't have to be pressed down hard on me.
It was 3.5 years ago when I fell in love. But I knew bulls' eye from the start that having a relationship is impossible because I barely knew wooing. So I wanted to have friendship instead. I wanted my first love to be my very first friend, my best friend. But in the end? I cried. Why? It's because I confessed my feelings. And days after, my first love became so distant to me. It was 7 days that I cried myself to sleep. I lost a friend and a loved one.
But I didn't stop there. For 2.5 years [after I graduated], I fell in love with different people and confessed to some of them. But out of those gazillion people I confessed up, only one remained as my friend but still, that person is too distance to me nowadays. Sad? No, very sad.
Yet again, I am in love. I don't want to be messed up anymore. I'm not going to love anymore. I'm not going to confess anymore. I just wanted to be stuck up in my own realm.
So where, you say, was the friendship part? Well, they were above and some few friends of mine that I can count by my fingers. I wanted to maintain my friendship to the people whom I had feelings before, but they were gone just like that. Others even despised me. It hurts a lot: those stupid promises they give me. That they will understand, that I will still be their friend. But where are they?
I guess I really had to be contented with a few friends that I have. They are the ones that understand me the most. They are the ones who keep my many secrets. They were always there for me and I promise that I, in return, will always be here for them no matter what the consequences are.
I don't want to cry. No, I cannot cry now. My eyes are now dry. I just have to live with a few blessings of mine. I am contented with those things now.
This is another lesson I realized, and maybe the last one for the meantime: never ever expect. I wished I was Lady Strike's brother and take everything for granted, but no. Even so, I am idle. And I never took risks. I may be adventurous at heart but the problem is execution. I always play safe. I never went out of my comfort zone and try a few things I never tried before [except for food tripping].
Even at school and studies, I am idle. At weekends, I always play video games. At weeknights, I surf the net. I always think I know anything. Or yet, I always think that what I am learning is enough to pass. I lack encouragement.
This is also related to the first lesson I learned. I am expecting to have new friends. I am expecting that I retain those friendships. But no, I'm just daydreaming and wishing everything turned the way I wanted it.
I don't know if a new Denji will resurface. I just don't know. But I don't want to cry. I don't want to love. I don't want to expect. Yet, I want to live. I want to be happy.
*sigh* Denji is such an idiotic creature... Isn't he?
I hate this feeling; this feeling of loneliness, emptiness, guilt. It's always the fact that when I go to school, I hide my face under the mask of happiness since I am really crying. Emotional, eh?
First thing: I learned not to make lots of friends. I think a few will do. But do you know why, in the first place, I'd like to make new friends?
It's because I'm socially deprived. My youth days had been surrounded by the four walls of our house, trying to learn academics. I never went out and play with my neighbors. I only play with my cousins in our backyard. It feels like I'm locked up inside, helpless. Still, I was attending school but I wasn't given a chance to interact with my classmates.
I grew up like that for 12 years [from Nursery until I graduated in High School]. I never knew sports. I barely knew social life. I don't even know Counter Strike and Ragnarok back then. And I hated those times. They were calling me nerd and geek like forever. I just can't stand it. I'm unsocial [not antisocial: it's a different thing], I know it. But that fact doesn't have to be pressed down hard on me.
It was 3.5 years ago when I fell in love. But I knew bulls' eye from the start that having a relationship is impossible because I barely knew wooing. So I wanted to have friendship instead. I wanted my first love to be my very first friend, my best friend. But in the end? I cried. Why? It's because I confessed my feelings. And days after, my first love became so distant to me. It was 7 days that I cried myself to sleep. I lost a friend and a loved one.
But I didn't stop there. For 2.5 years [after I graduated], I fell in love with different people and confessed to some of them. But out of those gazillion people I confessed up, only one remained as my friend but still, that person is too distance to me nowadays. Sad? No, very sad.
Yet again, I am in love. I don't want to be messed up anymore. I'm not going to love anymore. I'm not going to confess anymore. I just wanted to be stuck up in my own realm.
So where, you say, was the friendship part? Well, they were above and some few friends of mine that I can count by my fingers. I wanted to maintain my friendship to the people whom I had feelings before, but they were gone just like that. Others even despised me. It hurts a lot: those stupid promises they give me. That they will understand, that I will still be their friend. But where are they?
I guess I really had to be contented with a few friends that I have. They are the ones that understand me the most. They are the ones who keep my many secrets. They were always there for me and I promise that I, in return, will always be here for them no matter what the consequences are.
I don't want to cry. No, I cannot cry now. My eyes are now dry. I just have to live with a few blessings of mine. I am contented with those things now.
This is another lesson I realized, and maybe the last one for the meantime: never ever expect. I wished I was Lady Strike's brother and take everything for granted, but no. Even so, I am idle. And I never took risks. I may be adventurous at heart but the problem is execution. I always play safe. I never went out of my comfort zone and try a few things I never tried before [except for food tripping].
Even at school and studies, I am idle. At weekends, I always play video games. At weeknights, I surf the net. I always think I know anything. Or yet, I always think that what I am learning is enough to pass. I lack encouragement.
This is also related to the first lesson I learned. I am expecting to have new friends. I am expecting that I retain those friendships. But no, I'm just daydreaming and wishing everything turned the way I wanted it.
I don't know if a new Denji will resurface. I just don't know. But I don't want to cry. I don't want to love. I don't want to expect. Yet, I want to live. I want to be happy.
*sigh* Denji is such an idiotic creature... Isn't he?
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Legal and Ready to Strike...
Yes... You've read it right... I'M LEGAL! (A/N: Legal = age range of 18 to [positive] infinity).
I've been hugged lately by Aki (thanks!) and that's one load of my wishlist... What wishlist? Here they are...
- Date
- Kiss
- *Hug (given by Aki)
- Be the center of attention
- Talk to "someone" [as usual, si Aki lang nakakaalam nito.
] Clue: 4-stars
- a Toyota car
- a Canon digi-/video-cam
- a condo unit
- a calculator suitable for the Actuarial Science Exam
- Meet Ali Larter in the flesh
- a load of bittersweet chocolate bar and bittersweet chocolate ice cream. In short, I want a bittersweet chocolate.
- high grades this semester
- to find myself (ang pinakamalalim at pinakaseryoso na wishlist)
*sigh* Shun is now dead... I wanna kill Ice now... Grr..
I wanna start writing my 14-14-14 novel, after 2 years, but I still can't I have no time and enthusiasm to do so... T_T
Pic of the day/week? Hmm... This may be good... Ali Larter...
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