IKAW, MALAWAK BA ANG UTAK MO?
Nakakainis na... Alam mo yung ganung feeling? Yung mag-isa ka na lang? Yung inaakala mong mga kaibigan mo, mga kaaway mo na pala? Nakakaasar, di ba? Oo, naasar sila sa akin, pero hindi nila sinasabi yung mga kapintasan ko ng harapan. Ngayon, panahon na nang gaguhan. Ako nalang ang mag-isa sa mundo ko ngayon. I against the world, ika nga.
Oo, tama, depressed na ako. Emo pa kung iyon ang gusto mong tawag. Pero I'm sick. Nakakainis iyong pinag-iisipan ka ng masama e ung ideya na iyon ay ni minsan hindi pumasok sa kukote ko. Nakakainis din yung mga stalker. Oo, ganun na ako ka-sikat. Madalas sisilip-silip tapos gagawan ka na ng chismis that is too farfetched.
Mailap pala ang mundo. Pag pinag-iisipan ba ng masama ang isang bakla/tomboy/bi, sexism ba ang tawag doon? Ewan ko, wala namang gender-ism.
Pinilit kong maging bukas ang aking isipan, para mas makita ko ang kagandahan ng mundo. Kaso, may mga gago na pilit ikikitid ang mga pananaw mo sa buhay. Bwisit, oo, gago nga, ayon sa isang Friendster account.
Inaapoy ako ng lagnat ngayon. Buti na lang nilalagnat ako, para hindi mapansin ng mga tao kung gaano ba talaga kasama ang pakiramdam ko. Gusto kong makipag-usap sa lahat ng taong dumaan sa buhay ko once and for all.
At since wala na yata akong kaibigan na natitira, applications will be accepted. Walk-ins are allowed. Hindi nagsasara, at hindi pagsasarhan.
Walang kwenta itong post ko na ito, di ba? Puro kagaguhan lang. Oo na, insensitive ako. Pero sabihin niyo yun sa harap ko at magbigay kayo ng instances para maayos ko ang sarili ko.
Kaya siguro napapariwara ang tao, no?
Ewan ko ba kung bakit nagbabago ang mga tao ngayon. Ginagago ka ng idol mo, imagine?
Ayokong magpariwara, dahil matino akong tao. Sariwa, birhen. Bastos man ang utak pero hindi sa plano at sa gawa. Oo, men masturbate everyday. Men wanted to have sex. Pero hindi lahat ng tao, hayok. Hindi lahat ng bakla/tomboy/bi, sex lang ang gusto sa buhay.
Ano kaya ang gagawin ko sa Monday? Syempre, papasok. Ay, baka isipin mo, gumagawa ako ng plano, baka iba na naman ang isipin mo. At wag kang feeling, marami kayong kausap ko. FOR CONTACTS ang post ko, hindi for stalkers.
Ay, sinasabihan kitang stalker? Hindi! Umaandar lang ang insensitivity ko, kagaguhan ko, at yung kakulangan ko sa grammar.
Bukas na bukas din, hindi na po ako magiging insensitive. Bukas na bukas din, hindi ako mangte-take advantage kahit di ko pa ginagawa iyon.
At magmamahal ako ng taong karapat-dapat mahalin. Magmamahal lang ako kapag may nagmamahal sa akin. Oo, mahal ko ang magulang ko at ang mga kapatid ko dahil mahal nila ako. Kung mahal mo ako, mahal din kita.
Pero, pagpasensiyahan mo na ako, huh? Wala na yata kasi akong kaibigan na pwedeng malapitan. Buti ka pa, Multiply, maasahan, kahit nabobosohan ka.
SORRY SA LAHAT NG TAONG NAKABANGGA KO, KUNG AYAW NIYO NA AKONG MAGING KAIBIGAN, FINE, DI KO KAYO PIPILITIN. DESISYON NIYO YAN. Dahil sa bokabularyo ko, ang friendship ay isa nang equivalence relation.
SORRY RIN SA IYO, KAHIT HINDI KA DAPAT MADAMAY DITO. KAILANGAN KO LANG NG OUTPUT. Itong post na ito ay para iparating sa Palasyo ng Malakanyang na ako ay may emosyon.
IKAW, MALAWAK BA ANG UTAK MO?
P.S., Oo, umiinom ako, pero hindi ako naglalasing. Mabuti kang kaibigan kapag nagawa mo akong lasingin sa inuman. Saka vacuum cleaner ako ng pulutan.
At ipakalat sa mundo na maging open-minded tayong lahat. Ito na ang huling post ko na magpapakita ng aking close-mindedness.
Ulit po, patawarin ang grammar.
Salamat sa pagbabasa ng declamation.
I thank you.
Signed,
The Knight of Wind,
Ang asawa ni Tracy Strauss,
Ang fan ni Iwa at Jewel,
Ang mukahang gago pero hindi naman,
Your friendly kapit-hood,
Ang nagmahal pero inaway at nilait,
Ang Kabayo ni Kristy Lee Cook,
Ang sinaksak sa likod,
Ang zombie,
Sila Naruto at Gaara,
Ang pang-(n+1)th na miyembro ng Super Junior,
Ang nasisiraan ng bait pero pinipilit na magpakatino,
Ang tatanggap ng mga aplikante sa posisyon na "Best Friend"
Ang coolest teen tambayan,
Ang 5th basic taste,
Aerol Celeste.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Monday, September 8, 2008
These Are My Lessons Of The Century
*pardon the grammar*
I hate this feeling; this feeling of loneliness, emptiness, guilt. It's always the fact that when I go to school, I hide my face under the mask of happiness since I am really crying. Emotional, eh?
First thing: I learned not to make lots of friends. I think a few will do. But do you know why, in the first place, I'd like to make new friends?
It's because I'm socially deprived. My youth days had been surrounded by the four walls of our house, trying to learn academics. I never went out and play with my neighbors. I only play with my cousins in our backyard. It feels like I'm locked up inside, helpless. Still, I was attending school but I wasn't given a chance to interact with my classmates.
I grew up like that for 12 years [from Nursery until I graduated in High School]. I never knew sports. I barely knew social life. I don't even know Counter Strike and Ragnarok back then. And I hated those times. They were calling me nerd and geek like forever. I just can't stand it. I'm unsocial [not antisocial: it's a different thing], I know it. But that fact doesn't have to be pressed down hard on me.
It was 3.5 years ago when I fell in love. But I knew bulls' eye from the start that having a relationship is impossible because I barely knew wooing. So I wanted to have friendship instead. I wanted my first love to be my very first friend, my best friend. But in the end? I cried. Why? It's because I confessed my feelings. And days after, my first love became so distant to me. It was 7 days that I cried myself to sleep. I lost a friend and a loved one.
But I didn't stop there. For 2.5 years [after I graduated], I fell in love with different people and confessed to some of them. But out of those gazillion people I confessed up, only one remained as my friend but still, that person is too distance to me nowadays. Sad? No, very sad.
Yet again, I am in love. I don't want to be messed up anymore. I'm not going to love anymore. I'm not going to confess anymore. I just wanted to be stuck up in my own realm.
So where, you say, was the friendship part? Well, they were above and some few friends of mine that I can count by my fingers. I wanted to maintain my friendship to the people whom I had feelings before, but they were gone just like that. Others even despised me. It hurts a lot: those stupid promises they give me. That they will understand, that I will still be their friend. But where are they?
I guess I really had to be contented with a few friends that I have. They are the ones that understand me the most. They are the ones who keep my many secrets. They were always there for me and I promise that I, in return, will always be here for them no matter what the consequences are.
I don't want to cry. No, I cannot cry now. My eyes are now dry. I just have to live with a few blessings of mine. I am contented with those things now.
This is another lesson I realized, and maybe the last one for the meantime: never ever expect. I wished I was Lady Strike's brother and take everything for granted, but no. Even so, I am idle. And I never took risks. I may be adventurous at heart but the problem is execution. I always play safe. I never went out of my comfort zone and try a few things I never tried before [except for food tripping].
Even at school and studies, I am idle. At weekends, I always play video games. At weeknights, I surf the net. I always think I know anything. Or yet, I always think that what I am learning is enough to pass. I lack encouragement.
This is also related to the first lesson I learned. I am expecting to have new friends. I am expecting that I retain those friendships. But no, I'm just daydreaming and wishing everything turned the way I wanted it.
I don't know if a new Denji will resurface. I just don't know. But I don't want to cry. I don't want to love. I don't want to expect. Yet, I want to live. I want to be happy.
*sigh* Denji is such an idiotic creature... Isn't he?
I hate this feeling; this feeling of loneliness, emptiness, guilt. It's always the fact that when I go to school, I hide my face under the mask of happiness since I am really crying. Emotional, eh?
First thing: I learned not to make lots of friends. I think a few will do. But do you know why, in the first place, I'd like to make new friends?
It's because I'm socially deprived. My youth days had been surrounded by the four walls of our house, trying to learn academics. I never went out and play with my neighbors. I only play with my cousins in our backyard. It feels like I'm locked up inside, helpless. Still, I was attending school but I wasn't given a chance to interact with my classmates.
I grew up like that for 12 years [from Nursery until I graduated in High School]. I never knew sports. I barely knew social life. I don't even know Counter Strike and Ragnarok back then. And I hated those times. They were calling me nerd and geek like forever. I just can't stand it. I'm unsocial [not antisocial: it's a different thing], I know it. But that fact doesn't have to be pressed down hard on me.
It was 3.5 years ago when I fell in love. But I knew bulls' eye from the start that having a relationship is impossible because I barely knew wooing. So I wanted to have friendship instead. I wanted my first love to be my very first friend, my best friend. But in the end? I cried. Why? It's because I confessed my feelings. And days after, my first love became so distant to me. It was 7 days that I cried myself to sleep. I lost a friend and a loved one.
But I didn't stop there. For 2.5 years [after I graduated], I fell in love with different people and confessed to some of them. But out of those gazillion people I confessed up, only one remained as my friend but still, that person is too distance to me nowadays. Sad? No, very sad.
Yet again, I am in love. I don't want to be messed up anymore. I'm not going to love anymore. I'm not going to confess anymore. I just wanted to be stuck up in my own realm.
So where, you say, was the friendship part? Well, they were above and some few friends of mine that I can count by my fingers. I wanted to maintain my friendship to the people whom I had feelings before, but they were gone just like that. Others even despised me. It hurts a lot: those stupid promises they give me. That they will understand, that I will still be their friend. But where are they?
I guess I really had to be contented with a few friends that I have. They are the ones that understand me the most. They are the ones who keep my many secrets. They were always there for me and I promise that I, in return, will always be here for them no matter what the consequences are.
I don't want to cry. No, I cannot cry now. My eyes are now dry. I just have to live with a few blessings of mine. I am contented with those things now.
This is another lesson I realized, and maybe the last one for the meantime: never ever expect. I wished I was Lady Strike's brother and take everything for granted, but no. Even so, I am idle. And I never took risks. I may be adventurous at heart but the problem is execution. I always play safe. I never went out of my comfort zone and try a few things I never tried before [except for food tripping].
Even at school and studies, I am idle. At weekends, I always play video games. At weeknights, I surf the net. I always think I know anything. Or yet, I always think that what I am learning is enough to pass. I lack encouragement.
This is also related to the first lesson I learned. I am expecting to have new friends. I am expecting that I retain those friendships. But no, I'm just daydreaming and wishing everything turned the way I wanted it.
I don't know if a new Denji will resurface. I just don't know. But I don't want to cry. I don't want to love. I don't want to expect. Yet, I want to live. I want to be happy.
*sigh* Denji is such an idiotic creature... Isn't he?
Friday, September 5, 2008
05.09.08
I AM HAPPY RIGHT NOW! This is the day I shall mark my (omicron)th existence in the world!
Yes, dear, I EXIST!!! 8D
Saranghae~... 8D <333
Yes, dear, I EXIST!!! 8D
Saranghae~... 8D <333
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
I AM SO IN LOVE TODAY!
My alarm clock hadn't rung yet but I was wide awake by seven. I don't know, maybe because I was just excited. Like any usual day (except for the fact that my little brother [shoti? ano daw?! 8D] doesn't have classes), I went out of the room, ate breakfast, take a nice shower, and dressed up. I wore something formal: white polo and grey pants... Hmm... Something special for the day? Naah... 8D
I went to Trinoma and did some "malling" since it was announced one bright, sunshine-y, kawaii Saturday that I won't be having my first class. First stop: Bench Fix Salon. Man, I liked my stylist! I, on some occasion, hate gays but this one talks with sense. He (or she?) taught me some hair styling tips which I appreciated. And I liked my hair. I said I wanted it to be something "Korean" but will suit me. And also, I liked it when he said I looked like a Chinese! My Chinese blood is strong after all... 8D S/He said that my hair was easy to style because I looked like a Chinese (but I wanted to look Korean... Hahaha, kidding...)
Pictures after...
Next stop: Taco Bell. I love their food but I hate it when they misspell my name. I think it is in the way I pronounce it. Some will spell: Renji, Benjie, Renchie, Denji (the last one being correct). Others will spell: Ech, Edj, Edge (the first one being horribly wrong). But, like I said, I love their food. 8D
Last stop before going to UPD: Photoline. I have my shots taken! 8D Take a look.
So there... Too bad only few of my friends noticed it. I was trying to impress, but it failed! Noooo!!! Failure! Hahaha! Kidding...
Then I went home. My mom realized I did had a haircut, and she loved it! My siblings liked it as well! w00t! I also showed them my pictures and my mom liked it the most! w00t! 8D
I went to Trinoma and did some "malling" since it was announced one bright, sunshine-y, kawaii Saturday that I won't be having my first class. First stop: Bench Fix Salon. Man, I liked my stylist! I, on some occasion, hate gays but this one talks with sense. He (or she?) taught me some hair styling tips which I appreciated. And I liked my hair. I said I wanted it to be something "Korean" but will suit me. And also, I liked it when he said I looked like a Chinese! My Chinese blood is strong after all... 8D S/He said that my hair was easy to style because I looked like a Chinese (but I wanted to look Korean... Hahaha, kidding...)
Pictures after...
Next stop: Taco Bell. I love their food but I hate it when they misspell my name. I think it is in the way I pronounce it. Some will spell: Renji, Benjie, Renchie, Denji (the last one being correct). Others will spell: Ech, Edj, Edge (the first one being horribly wrong). But, like I said, I love their food. 8D
Last stop before going to UPD: Photoline. I have my shots taken! 8D Take a look.
So there... Too bad only few of my friends noticed it. I was trying to impress, but it failed! Noooo!!! Failure! Hahaha! Kidding...
Then I went home. My mom realized I did had a haircut, and she loved it! My siblings liked it as well! w00t! I also showed them my pictures and my mom liked it the most! w00t! 8D
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