An Important Announcement

These past few days have been not that good to me. I feel very drained and I just realized that marinating on the Internet just intensifies my "emotional dependence".

I declare that I will be ON HIATUS effective tomorrow.

I will just access the Internet for Heroes' episodes. Just feel free to leave messages. Thank you.

All my love,
Denji.

Heroes 3x04

Start:	Oct 7, '08 05:00a
End:	Oct 7, '08 06:00a

Heroes
Season 3: Villains
Episode 4: I Am Become Death

Yet Another Tagalog Post: Parang TANGA

Hindi ko na alam kung ano ang nangyayari sa akin.
Para akong tanga na nakatingin sa harapan ng laptop kong si Tracy.
Yep, dahil sa boredom ko, may pangalan na ang laptop ko. Siya si Tracy, at "cool" siya.

Para akong tanga. Naghahantay sa wala. Nababaliw na naman ako. Hindi, hindi ito maari. Tumataas na naman ang emotional dependence ko. Pinipigilan ko na ang sarili ko.

Ano ang emotional dependence, tanong mo? Ang emotional dependence, sa bokabularyo ko, ay ang aking emosyon na sa loob ng 3-4 na taon ay inaakala kong romantic love.

Para akong tanga. Naghihintay. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako naghihintay. Pinipigilan ko ang sarili kong maghintay, dahil mali. Dahil marami pa akong dapat gawin. Marami pa akong dapat asikasuhin.

Dapat pa akong magreview sa Sipnayan, pero hindi, e. Nasa harap ako ni Tracy, naghihintay, parang tanga.

Dapat ko bang tigilan, o hindi. Hindi ko na alam ang tamang sagot. Marahil, tanga nga ako.

8th Heroes Wallpaper

Even though I've posted the posters showing all of the main characters, I will continue posting here the wallpapers of Heroes that were on their official Myspace page.

Click this [link].

Heroes 3x03

Start:

Sep 30, '08

Heroes
Season 3: Villains
Episode 3: One of Us, One of Them

HEROES Season 3 Premiere

Start:	Sep 23, '08 05:00a
End:	Sep 23, '08 08:00a

3HR premiere of Heroes 3: Villains
1st hour: Red Carpet Premiere, Season 1: Genesis and Season 2: Generations summary, Season 3: Villains teaser
2nd hour: Episode 3x01: The Second Coming
3rd hour: Episode 3x02: The Butterfly Effect

Wasp: Stings

I just came from my uncle to ask about routers that time and I was walking home, when suddenly...

My left elbow was stung by a wasp! Yeouch! Seemingly, I had this little boil on my elbow as an effect.

What's with my left arm, really?

My mom said, "Andami-daming putakte sa ilalim ng bahay natin [we live on the second floor of our house], sa may kanto ka pa nakagat?!"

Take Time to Read: I FEEL HUMAN

I watched Heroes Season 2 as to make sure I haven't missed a single detail. Season 3 is fast approaching.

Wonder why Angela Petrelli stole socks last Season 1? Wonder why Claire Bennet can't get over her emotional angst last Season 2? It goes around on one theme: feeling human.

No, it's not that I have a superpower myself. As human beings, we are meant to feel as we are to be: joy, acceptance, recognition, triumph; depression, rejection, persecution, defeat.

I know you know that I am having emotional problems right now. And I thought all of this time that I can cope up by either enduring the pain that I feel or by ignoring the same feeling. I realized: both of them were wrong. But the question now is: How can I feel human?

Why does enduring pain doesn't make me feel human? I think it is because hiding something and posing a happy face makes me "normal" [note that I made pain endurance and pretentious feelings synonymous]. It makes me blend in the background: vanish to be specific. But you know what will happen to the pressure cooker when it stays in the heat for long, right? Yes, the useful mechanism will blow up. Same to me.

Why does ignoring my problems doesn't make me feel human? Now, the reason is that I am avoiding what I am to face. We know problems are given to be solved, not to be escaped. I must learn to analyze and find a solution: yet, I only stop at the analysis step. I think it is inhuman to just neglect these problems.

Now, I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to feel human. I know of a couple of things, but I am afraid it will cost me very much.

You knew I lost a lot of friends so my emotional dependence has reached its maximum. Yet again, I realized this is the first step to feel human: HAVE FRIENDS YOU CAN TRUST, HAVE FRIENDS THAT YOU WON'T BETRAY AND THAT WON'T BETRAY YOU, HAVE FRIENDS THAT UNDERSTANDS YOU THE MOST AND WON'T BACKSTAB YOU. You know what? I found a few of them. To be specific, I have 2 friends that matches the criteria. And I am happy with that.

Yes, I do start to feel human but beyond that first step: I don't know what to do. I want you to help me, build a journey with me that I can't forget. I haven't made Elementary and High School memories [except for the Press Conference]. And now, before I graduate this College, I want you to let me know how to feel human. Because I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of thinking and imagining: it just drives me crazy.

And another thing: like I mentioned earlier, I keep on losing friends. You know, you may give me an advise that I have to be real in order to gain friends. The problem is: I AM BEING REAL, I AM BEING ME, yet they want to avoid me like I have a Shanti Virus or some sort.

So I want you to give me an advise on how should I perform better. I don't want to be a leech that sucks on a nearest outlet. I want to be contained yet I want to get free. I know you don't get what I say but if you do start a journey with me, I think you would know me better. Give me good advises, perhaps?

============

Thank you for your time. Pardon the grammar.

Heroes 3: Villains

Played by Ali Larter. This political adviser and the partner of a New York governor has a horrifying, icy ability. People around her are intrigued by her uncanny similarity with the late superstrong stripper, Niki Sanders.

"Promotional Posters"
This album shows the main casts of Heroes S3.

Thanks to HeroSite.net

It's The Left Pinky This Time

Why is my left hand prone to  accidents?

I'm actually alright with my left index finger since I can now bear the pain and I can type more efficiently. But now, here's the problem.

I'm trying to fix our internet connection. It should have been easy but there is something wrong with the set-up of the wires and the exhaust fan. What happened next?

Well, to make the story short, at the last step of my work, my left pinky was shredded by the exhaust fan! Yikes!

Now I look like a conio when I'm typing this, I think. I had my pinky always raised. It hurts. T_T

I remembered what my prof said earlier: A small child will place his fingers in an electric fan just to find out that it hurts. In the child's place, that's innocence. In my place, that's ignorance. T_T

I feel like a baby...

7th Heroes Wallpaper Revealed

Warning: May contain spoilers.

Go to this [link].

mom supports gay son

This editorial is from Sunday's Concord Monitor.
Sunday, April 30, 2000
By Sharon Underwood
For the Valley News (White River Junction, VT/Hanover, NH)

 

Many letters have been sent to the Valley  News concerning the homosexual menace in Vermont. I am the mother of a gay son and I've taken enough from you good people. I'm tired of your foolish rhetoric about the “homosexual agenda” and your allegations that accepting homosexuality is the same thing as advocating sex with children. You are cruel and ignorant. You have been robbing me of the joys of motherhood ever since my children were tiny.

My firstborn son started suffering at the hands of the moral little thugs from your moral, upright families from the time he was in the first grade. He was physically and verbally abused from first grade straight through high school because he was perceived to be gay.

He never professed to be gay or had any association with anything gay, but he had the misfortune not to walk or have gestures like the other boys. He was called “fag” incessantly, starting when he was 6.

In high school, while your children were doing what kids that age should be doing, mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and redrafting it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them. My sobbing 17-year-old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that he just couldn't bear to continue living any longer, that he didn't want to be gay and that he couldn't face a life without dignity.

You have the audacity to talk about protecting families and children from the homosexual menace, while you yourselves tear apart families and drive children to despair.  I don't know why my son is gay, but I do know that God didn't put him, and millions like him, on this Earth to give you someone to abuse. God gave you brains so that you could think, and it's about time you started doing that.

At the core of all your misguided beliefs is the belief that this could never happen to you, that there is some kind of subculture out there that people have chosen to join. The fact is that if it can happen to my family, it can happen to yours, and you won't get to choose. Whether it is genetic or whether something occurs during a critical time of fetal development, I don't know. I can only tell you with an absolute certainty that it is inborn.

If you want to tout your own morality, you'd best come up with something more substantive than your heterosexuality. You did nothing to earn it; it was given to you. If you disagree, I would be interested in hearing your story, because my own heterosexuality was a blessing I received with no effort whatsoever on my part. It is so woven into the very soul of me that nothing could ever change it. For those of you who reduce sexual orientation to a simple choice, a character issue, a bad habit or something that can be changed by a  10-step program, I'm puzzled. Are you saying that your own sexual orientation is nothing more than something you have chosen, that you could change it at will?  If that's not the case, then why would you suggest that someone else can?

A popular theme in your letters is that Vermont has been infiltrated by outsiders. Both sides of my family have lived in Vermont for generations. I am heart and soul a Vermonter, so I'll thank you to stop saying that you are speaking for “true Vermonters.”

You invoke the memory of the brave people who have fought on the battlefield for this great country, saying that they didn't give their lives so that the “homosexual agenda” could tear down the principles they died defending. My 83-year-old father fought in some of the most horrific battles of World War II, was wounded and awarded the Purple Heart.

He shakes his head in sadness at the life his grandson has had to live.  He says he fought alongside homosexuals in those battles, that they did their part and bothered no one. One of his best friends in the service was gay, and he never knew it until the end, and when he did find out, it mattered not at all.  That wasn't the measure of the man.

You religious folk just can't bear the thought that as my son emerges from the hell that was his childhood he might like to find a lifelong companion and have a measure of happiness. It offends your sensibilities that he should request the right to visit that companion in the hospital, to make medical decisions for him or to benefit from tax laws governing inheritance.

How dare he? You say. These outrageous requests would threaten the very existence of your family, would undermine the sanctity of marriage. You use religion to abdicate your responsibility to be thinking human beings. There are vast numbers of religious people who find your attitudes repugnant. God is not for the privileged majority, and God knows my son has committed no sin.

The deep-thinking author of a letter to the April 12 Valley News who lectures about homosexual sin and tells us about “those of us who have been blessed with the benefits of a religious upbringing” asks: “What ever happened to the idea of striving . . . to be better human beings than we are?”

Indeed, sir, what ever happened to that?

Heroes Countdown!

I can't believe 09/22 will be coming in a few winks!

I'd been a fan of Heroes since it was shown on RPN9 [now C/S]. I haven't watch the premiere at that time, but it was a good thing I was a "surfer" and an avid fan of pirated DVD's, I got to know the show, and it was so cool!

Let's see... We have an empathic nurse, a flying politician, a mind-reader cop, a spacetime-bending otaku, an indestructible cheerleader, a superstrong stripper... Let's add to the list a "viral" vixen, an electric sadist, and a young-looking 400y/o guy! Get a load of that...

Now Season 3 is to come... I wasn't really disappointed with Season 2 but damn Writers' Strike >.< . There are spoilers roaming around (I love spoilers, BTW) and I am so interested what is to come! I can't contain my excitement!

LESS THAN A WEEK TO GO!

P.S.: How can I watch it when I'm not in the U.S.? Hmm... It's yours to find out. Hint: When I say "watch", I mean watch. And, no, not the pirated DVD's, please. I just buy them to re-watch. :P

The Left Index Finger

Out of stupidity, my left index finger broke. It hurts. It has a mean cut from the flesh to my nails. Just imagine Sylar cracking up fingernails... T_T

It was on a van, I was trying to fold a specific chair because we were in the terminal already. I don't know the orientation of the fold so when I fold it correctly, and my index finger was on the grain... Damn, it hurts! There was a lake of blood inside the vehicle! 8D

So this just meant I can't masturbate use a fork properly. Poor me. I will be like this for a month...

Want photos? 8D

It's Useless

Now I realized, ranting will lead me nowhere. I realized I just have to accept the facts and choose: Go on and pretend to be unscathed, or confront the people concerned and have a talk.

But on my situations, I always chose the first one. I always try to be the pretender: put on a happy smile while my heart is hurt deep inside. But of course, TIME CANNOT HEAL WOUNDS. There's always time for confrontations, but for me, it's not yet the time. Or rather, I don't want to initiate it.

READ THIS OR "DIE": There Goes The Last One [On Being Avoided]

P*ta, ano bang nangyayari sa'kin? Di ba talaga ako destined to have friends?! Wala na, I QUIT! Inis na ang lahat ng tao sakin!

Argh! I just darn hate it! Can't I have at least an average social life?! Look at me! Sh*t!

Wala nang dahilan para mag-maintain ng mga social sites kung ayaw makipag-kaibigan sa'yo ng tao... They advise me not to pretend, to be real? But what if they are annoyed by that reality?

But, no, I will not pwn myself just for that. One day, I'll be a phoenix. I'll rise up from my own ashes, not to take revenge, but for them to look at me AS A PERSON, AND NOT JUST A PATHETIC WEED they just step on.

It's so annoying! Argh!

Read This [If You Want]: Gaguhan (Feeling of Void)

IKAW, MALAWAK BA ANG UTAK MO?

Nakakainis na... Alam mo yung ganung feeling? Yung mag-isa ka na lang? Yung inaakala mong mga kaibigan mo, mga kaaway mo na pala? Nakakaasar, di ba? Oo, naasar sila sa akin, pero hindi nila sinasabi yung mga kapintasan ko ng harapan. Ngayon, panahon na nang gaguhan. Ako nalang ang mag-isa sa mundo ko ngayon. I against the world, ika nga.

Oo, tama, depressed na ako. Emo pa kung iyon ang gusto mong tawag. Pero I'm sick. Nakakainis iyong pinag-iisipan ka ng masama e ung ideya na iyon ay ni minsan hindi pumasok sa kukote ko. Nakakainis din yung mga stalker. Oo, ganun na ako ka-sikat. Madalas sisilip-silip tapos gagawan ka na ng chismis that is too farfetched.

Mailap pala ang mundo. Pag pinag-iisipan ba ng masama ang isang bakla/tomboy/bi, sexism ba ang tawag doon? Ewan ko, wala namang gender-ism.

Pinilit kong maging bukas ang aking isipan, para mas makita ko ang kagandahan ng mundo. Kaso, may mga gago na pilit ikikitid ang mga pananaw mo sa buhay. Bwisit, oo, gago nga, ayon sa isang Friendster account.

Inaapoy ako ng lagnat ngayon. Buti na lang nilalagnat ako, para hindi mapansin ng mga tao kung gaano ba talaga kasama ang pakiramdam ko. Gusto kong makipag-usap sa lahat ng taong dumaan sa buhay ko once and for all.

At since wala na yata akong kaibigan na natitira, applications will be accepted. Walk-ins are allowed. Hindi nagsasara, at hindi pagsasarhan.

Walang kwenta itong post ko na ito, di ba? Puro kagaguhan lang. Oo na, insensitive ako. Pero sabihin niyo yun sa harap ko at magbigay kayo ng instances para maayos ko ang sarili ko.

Kaya siguro napapariwara ang tao, no?

Ewan ko ba kung bakit nagbabago ang mga tao ngayon. Ginagago ka ng idol mo, imagine?

Ayokong magpariwara, dahil matino akong tao. Sariwa, birhen. Bastos man ang utak pero hindi sa plano at sa gawa. Oo, men masturbate everyday. Men wanted to have sex. Pero hindi lahat ng tao, hayok. Hindi lahat ng bakla/tomboy/bi, sex lang ang gusto sa buhay.

Ano kaya ang gagawin ko sa Monday? Syempre, papasok. Ay, baka isipin mo, gumagawa ako ng plano, baka iba na naman ang isipin mo. At wag kang feeling, marami kayong kausap ko. FOR CONTACTS ang post ko, hindi for stalkers.

Ay, sinasabihan kitang stalker? Hindi! Umaandar lang ang insensitivity ko, kagaguhan ko, at yung kakulangan ko sa grammar.

Bukas na bukas din, hindi na po ako magiging insensitive. Bukas na bukas din, hindi ako mangte-take advantage kahit di ko pa ginagawa iyon.

At magmamahal ako ng taong karapat-dapat mahalin. Magmamahal lang ako kapag may nagmamahal sa akin. Oo, mahal ko ang magulang ko at ang mga kapatid ko dahil mahal nila ako. Kung mahal mo ako, mahal din kita.

Pero, pagpasensiyahan mo na ako, huh? Wala na yata kasi akong kaibigan na pwedeng malapitan. Buti ka pa, Multiply, maasahan, kahit nabobosohan ka.

SORRY SA LAHAT NG TAONG NAKABANGGA KO, KUNG AYAW NIYO NA AKONG MAGING KAIBIGAN, FINE, DI KO KAYO PIPILITIN. DESISYON NIYO YAN. Dahil sa bokabularyo ko, ang friendship ay isa nang equivalence relation.

SORRY RIN SA IYO, KAHIT HINDI KA DAPAT MADAMAY DITO. KAILANGAN KO LANG NG OUTPUT. Itong post na ito ay para iparating sa Palasyo ng Malakanyang na ako ay may emosyon.

IKAW, MALAWAK BA ANG UTAK MO?

P.S., Oo, umiinom ako, pero hindi ako naglalasing. Mabuti kang kaibigan kapag nagawa mo akong lasingin sa inuman. Saka vacuum cleaner ako ng pulutan.

At ipakalat sa mundo na maging open-minded tayong lahat. Ito na ang huling post ko na magpapakita ng aking close-mindedness.

Ulit po, patawarin ang grammar.

Salamat sa pagbabasa ng declamation.

I thank you.

Signed,

The Knight of Wind,

Ang asawa ni Tracy Strauss,

Ang fan ni Iwa at Jewel,

Ang mukahang gago pero hindi naman,

Your friendly kapit-hood,

Ang nagmahal pero inaway at nilait,

Ang Kabayo ni Kristy Lee Cook,

Ang sinaksak sa likod,

Ang zombie,

Sila Naruto at Gaara,

Ang pang-(n+1)th na miyembro ng Super Junior,

Ang nasisiraan ng bait pero pinipilit na magpakatino,

Ang tatanggap ng mga aplikante sa posisyon na "Best Friend"

Ang coolest teen tambayan,

Ang 5th basic taste,

Aerol Celeste.

Updated Heroes Promotional Picture

Another one added! 6 down, 6 more to go!

Warning: Spoilers on the page: [link]

These Are My Lessons Of The Century

*pardon the grammar*

I hate this feeling; this feeling of loneliness, emptiness, guilt. It's always the fact that when I go to school, I hide my face under the mask of happiness since I am really crying. Emotional, eh?

First thing: I learned not to make lots of friends. I think a few will do. But do you know why, in the first place, I'd like to make new friends?

It's because I'm socially deprived. My youth days had been surrounded by the four walls of our house, trying to learn academics. I never went out and play with my neighbors. I only play with my cousins in our backyard. It feels like I'm locked up inside, helpless. Still, I was attending school but I wasn't given a chance to interact with my classmates.

I grew up like that for 12 years [from Nursery until I graduated in High School]. I never knew sports. I barely knew social life. I don't even know Counter Strike and Ragnarok back then. And I hated those times. They were calling me nerd and geek like forever. I just can't stand it. I'm unsocial [not antisocial: it's a different thing], I know it. But that fact doesn't have to be pressed down hard on me.

It was 3.5 years ago when I fell in love. But I knew bulls' eye from the start that having a relationship is impossible because I barely knew wooing. So I wanted to have friendship instead. I wanted my first love to be my very first friend, my best friend. But in the end? I cried. Why? It's because I confessed my feelings. And days after, my first love became so distant to me. It was 7 days that I cried myself to sleep. I lost a friend and a loved one.

But I didn't stop there. For 2.5 years [after I graduated], I fell in love with different people and confessed to some of them. But out of those gazillion people I confessed up, only one remained as my friend but still, that person is too distance to me nowadays. Sad? No, very sad.

Yet again, I am in love. I don't want to be messed up anymore. I'm not going to love anymore. I'm not going to confess anymore. I just wanted to be stuck up in my own realm.

So where, you say, was the friendship part? Well, they were above and some few friends of mine that I can count by my fingers. I wanted to maintain my friendship to the people whom I had feelings before, but they were gone just like that. Others even despised me. It hurts a lot: those stupid promises they give me. That they will understand, that I will still be their friend. But where are they?

I guess I really had to be contented with a few friends that I have. They are the ones that understand me the most. They are the ones who keep my many secrets. They were always there for me and I promise that I, in return, will always be here for them no matter what the consequences are.

I don't want to cry. No, I cannot cry now. My eyes are now dry. I just have to live with a few blessings of mine. I am contented with those things now.

This is another lesson I realized, and maybe the last one for the meantime: never ever expect. I wished I was Lady Strike's brother and take everything for granted, but no. Even so, I am idle. And I never took risks. I may be adventurous at heart but the problem is execution. I always play safe. I never went out of my comfort zone and try a few things I never tried before [except for food tripping].

Even at school and studies, I am idle. At weekends, I always play video games. At weeknights, I surf the net. I always think I know anything. Or yet, I always think that what I am learning is enough to pass. I lack encouragement.

This is also related to the first lesson I learned. I am expecting to have new friends. I am expecting that I retain those friendships. But no, I'm just daydreaming and wishing everything turned the way I wanted it.

I don't know if a new Denji will resurface. I just don't know. But I don't want to cry. I don't want to love. I don't want to expect. Yet, I want to live. I want to be happy.

*sigh* Denji is such an idiotic creature... Isn't he?

05.09.08

I AM HAPPY RIGHT NOW! This is the day I shall mark my (omicron)th existence in the world!

Yes, dear, I EXIST!!! 8D

Saranghae~... 8D <333

Updates on Promotional Pictures

*SPOILER*

added the 5th promotional picture of Heroes.

Go to this [link] to view them...

I AM SO IN LOVE TODAY!

My alarm clock hadn't rung yet but I was wide awake by seven. I don't know, maybe because I was just excited. Like any usual day (except for the fact that my little brother [shoti? ano daw?! 8D] doesn't have classes), I went out of the room, ate breakfast, take a nice shower, and dressed up. I wore something formal: white polo and grey pants... Hmm... Something special for the day? Naah... 8D

I went to Trinoma and did some "malling" since it was announced one bright, sunshine-y, kawaii Saturday that I won't be having my first class. First stop: Bench Fix Salon. Man, I liked my stylist! I, on some occasion, hate gays but this one talks with sense. He (or she?) taught me some hair styling tips which I appreciated. And I liked my hair. I said I wanted it to be something "Korean" but will suit me. And also, I liked it when he said I looked like a Chinese! My Chinese blood is strong after all... 8D S/He said that my hair was easy to style because I looked like a Chinese (but I wanted to look Korean... Hahaha, kidding...)

Pictures after...

Next stop: Taco Bell. I love their food but I hate it when they misspell my name. I think it is in the way I pronounce it. Some will spell: Renji, Benjie, Renchie, Denji (the last one being correct). Others will spell: Ech, Edj, Edge (the first one being horribly wrong). But, like I said, I love their food. 8D

Last stop before going to UPD: Photoline. I have my shots taken! 8D Take a look. 8D



















So there... Too bad only few of my friends noticed it. I was trying to impress, but it failed! Noooo!!! Failure! Hahaha! Kidding...

Then I went home. My mom realized I did had a haircut, and she loved it! My siblings liked it as well! w00t! I also showed them my pictures and my mom liked it the most! w00t! 8D

New Shots! New Hair!

I would like to thank Bench Fix Salon for my hair! 8D